The Slob BlogBecause slobs need love too!

In yet another example of why truly organized people are out of their freakin’ minds, I submit table 20-1 from Organizing for Dummies.  The book suggests that mornings aren’t a great time for clear thinking (I agree wholeheartedly!), so one’s routine for getting out of the house in the morning should be planned just like any other project.  Um…no.  If I’m not thinking clearly, which I never am before about 10:30am, the LAST thing I want to get involved in is a project of any kind.  How does that make my life easier?  Getting out of the house is miserable enough…now it’s a “project”?  Delightful!

But the book goes on to provide this charming little mathematical equation, disguised as a to do list, so those of us hoping to turn around our disorganized ways can easily calculate how much time we’ll need to get out of the house.

Okay, I understand that putting a little thought into just about anything will make it easier to accomplish, but really, I can’t maybe ballpark this?  I need a whole chart?  And they’re not fooling me with this whole checklist concept, I know subtraction when I see it, and that’s my cue to start running.  I promise you that if math is involved, NOTHING is getting done faster.  Working with numbers is one of the most effective ways to slow my life down.  If it hadn’t been for math class, I’d probably have finished junior high school in three months.  I’m just saying.

So here’s the chart that’s supposed to simplify all our lives:

I resent the idea of this kind of chart to begin with,  not to mention the fact that they ask you to calculate coffee drinking and paper reading times, which I think just takes all the fun out of both activities.  I can also assure you that to actually make this chart work, if I was really going to bother with it, I’d have to take into account any number of impossible to predict variables that this chart blatantly ignores.  Oh, and by the way, you’re supposed to work backwards to come to the correct get-out-of-bed-time.  If these people are so efficient, why couldn’t they come up with a chart you can do forwards?

Here’s my version:

To use this chart correctly, I’d probably have to plan to go to bed during lunch the day before, a plan of which I don’t think my boss would approve.  I think I’ll stick with my current strategy of coming up with fabulously creative excuses for my lateness.  It seems to have worked for me this far.

Forgetting appointments can be tricky, because there is often someone else’s money and time involved, but don’t  let guilt take over.  Remember, it is normal to forget appointments now and then, so just stick to your guns.  What are you supposed to do, right down every little appointment and check the list every day?  You aren’t Santa Claus.  Below are ways to handle the situation with grace and style.

Take a Stance: Decide that this is the day you will become political.  Call up the doctor, or manicurist, or Pilate’s instructor and tell them that you are staging a protest against their services.  Come up with a reason, but don’t worry if it doesn’t make sense, they will be tuning you out at this point anyway.  Tone is important, however, so make sure you sound angry and driven to action.  Then, make sure you ask politely if you can reschedule.

Be Conveniently Confused: Go to the office, or beauty shop, or fitness center the next day and act irate when you see that the person is with another client.  Demand that they get themselves organized before making anymore appointments with you.  Be sure to mention that you value your time, and they should too.  They’ll be so embarrassed for you when they realize you are wrong that they won’t contend the point.  Make sure they give you the most convenient next meeting to make up for wasting your day.

Escape a Catastrophe: When the person calls to find out why you missed your appointment, act confused.  Say, “What do you mean I missed it, we were evacuated because of the chemical leak.”  When they ask you what you are talking about, become very concerned.  Say, “My god, you don’t even remember, you must have been very badly exposed.  You should get off the phone with me and call the doctor right now.”  Even if they catch you on this one, they’ll probably just label you as crazy, which is also a great way of escaping responsibility.

If You are Organized and Get Everything Done, You’ll Never Have to Give Up Something You Want to do.

That’s crazy, there is not a single thing that I want to do less than get organized.  That means that any time I am devoting to doing so, I am missing out on something else that I would like to be doing more.