The Slob BlogBecause slobs need love too!

Organized people in your life are probably going to accuse you of procrastination and selfishness.   They’ll probably also tell you that you’re doing things “the wrong way.”  Well who died and made them the masters of the domestic domain?  How do they know what the “right” way is?

For all they know, your way is the right way, or the better way, or even the best way.  They really can’t know until they try it for themselves. And selfish? Nothing could be further from the truth.  Perhaps the problem is that they are simply not picking up on your subtle and very thoughtful communication techniques.  Just because they don’t get you, doesn’t make you wrong.

Mostly, people just criticize others because its a fabulous way to ignore the endless list of things wrong with themselves.  You may be a slob, but you’re nobody’s doormat!  So instead of giving into guilt, stand your ground and let others in your life know that you are perfectly happy with the systems you have in place.

What they are upset about:

You left the bed unmade.

Why they should calm down:

An unmade bed is simply your way of letting the world know that a bed is ready to be used.  They should take it as an open invitation to join in the sleeping fun rather than a personal offense.

What they are upset about:

You left the new roll of toilet paper sitting upright on top of the empty one.

Why they should calm down:

This is your way of alerting them that the old roll needs to be replaced.  It’s not like you left them without paper to use.  In fact, you did half the work for them, and if they expect you to take out a new roll AND take the old one off the holder, then they really should think about creating an equal division of labor in the home.  You can’t be responsible for EVERYTHING!!!

What they are upset about:

You left dirty dishes in the sink and on the kitchen counter.

Why they should calm down:

You have created a clear and organized holding area for dirty dishes, so nobody will accidentally used them.  You are communicating by labeling those dishes as dirty, and therefore unsuitable for use.  You are also letting them know that if they happen to be in a dish-washing mood, that there are plenty of dirty dishes available to them.  Everyone should be so thoughtful, and perhaps your roommate or partner needs to think about how to improve their communication skills.

What they are upset about:

You drank everything but the last sip of milk, then left the nearly empty container in the fridge.

Why they should calm down:

You saved them the LAST sip of milk despite your immense thirst!  How could they be so ungrateful???

What they are upset about:

You always leave the toothpaste cap open.

Why they should calm down:

You are simply keeping the toothpaste in “ready” mode.

What they are upset about:

They caught you sweeping dirt under the living room carpet.

Why they should calm down:

You were SWEEPING!!! They should be thrilled!

What they are upset about:

You drank all the coffee without making more.

Why they should calm down:

You are helping them get over their nasty caffeine habit.

What they are upset about:

You let all the bills pile up on the coffee table.

Why they should calm down:

Since you have no intention of paying them, you are kindly letting your housemate know which ones are due, so they can go ahead a take care of it. 

What they are upset about:

You leave piles of dirty clothes on the laundry room floor.

Why they should calm down:

They’re dirty clothes!  If they were clean clothes, maybe they’d have a reason to be upset, but isn’t the laundry room where dirty clothes belong? It’s not like you’re letting them pile up on the kitchen floor.  And even if you are…I’m sure there’s a good reason for that too.

Two very pervasive thoughts kept running through my head all day today.

1) With it finally starting to get a bit chilly out, I really Really want to go shopping for a new fall wardrobe.

And.

2) I don’t have room for a new fall wardrobe, in fact, I don’t have room for my current wardrobe.

My closet has begun to invade other parts of my house including the bed, the laundry room, the floor, various doorways, and an innocent chair which hasn’t seen the light of day in months.  In theory, of course, I should begin to eliminate the items I don’t need in order to make room for some lovely new items of fall clothing.  Well, I can tell you right now as I sit here avoiding it that that’s not going to happen.

So what are my options?  Well I can build up for one.  Items of clothing which I have have deemed unacceptable to wear…but don’t want to bother ridding myself of can be moved to the floor.  This will build up over time, providing an excellent ramp on which I can balance while grabbing new clothes.

Another idea is to avoid the whole closet system altogether and continue tossing everything onto the guest bed, as I have been.  The cream will naturally rise to the top I think.

Finally, if I spend enough money that I don’t have and buy enough new clothes, the new items should sufficiently hide the old ones, and soon they won’t bother me at all.  What you can’t see must not exist…I always say!

My boyfriend’s biggest pet peeve with me (yes, I’ve been able to keep a man despite my slovenly ways) is my treatment of softener sheets.  He can’t understand why I never throw them away after I use them.  He finds them on the floor, under the bed, on the bed, and floating throughout the house.

First of all, softener sheets are very pretty.  They look like little gossamer fairies flying about the house, and I don’t know why he can’t appreciate that.  Beyond that, I don’t think he understands my whole laundry system.  The softener sheet gets tossed in there with the laundry, and then who knows where it goes?  I think goes into deep hiding until it reappears…generally under his angry foot.

Now I know it would probably help if I actually put my laundry away, instead of piling it on our spare bedroom bed.  Then I might uncover those covert softener sheets in the process.  But that pile makes it so easy to find everything.  If I need a shirt, or a towel, or a sock or two, hey, look, there it is!  It’s all right there in my bed pile where I need it.  I just wish he’d understand that instead of shaming my inner slob.

For now I’ve taken to picking up random used softener sheets I find on the floor and tossing them at him.  That way he can see that I am now making a concerted effort to notice where those little sheets are going.  It also gives him the opportunity to throw them away, since he’s the one who’s bothered by them in the first place.