Posted by Administrator | Posted in Slob Base | Posted on 25-10-2009
Students often feel the greatest pressure to repress, control, and shame their inner slobs, but with a few simple changes, they can get back to embracing their inner slobs in no time – coming nowhere near their full potential but far closer to the ultimate happiness.
The Overachiever
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The Oversleeper
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- Always gets to know his professors during office hours.
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- Often gets to know his professors during happy hour.
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- Participates in every class.
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- Partially awake in class.
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- Turns in every assignment on time.
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- Only asks for one-week extensions.
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- Stays healthy by working out at the gym between classes.
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- Stays healthy by meditating on the beach instead of attending classes.
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- Pushes to the head of his class.
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- Hosts a cramming session and gets great notes from the head of his class.
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- Had a paper published in the school’s journal.
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- Had a paper thrown at him by the professor.
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- Saves his money for food and rent.
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- Spends his money on beer and buys a tent.
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Posted by Administrator | Posted in Slob Tips | Posted on 28-09-2009
Like to do work at Starbucks, but running out of ways to waste useful time? Follow these handy tips and you’ll be getting nothing done in no time!
- Come up with an overly complex coffee order and practice it over an over again in your head. Write it down for reference and be sure to have a look of indignation ready for when the barista looks at you with that pissed off, “are you really doing this to me?” look on his or her face.
- Choreograph a dance routine to the in-house music. Perform it for your fellow patrons.
- Watch the ridiculous faces people make while looking at their laptops.
- Spill your drink everywhere. Get as many people as possible involved in the clean-up process. See if you can borrow a caution cone. All big spills are better with cones. Keep saying in a loud voice, “I never do things like this…really!”
- Shop for coffee implements you’ll never use.
- Quiz the barista on the differences between the Sumatran and Guatemalan blends.
- Pick someone to stare at. Continue to do so until they look like they’re about to punch you, then flee in fear. If you still feel guilty about ditching your work, wait until they actually punch you, then go home and get some ice.
- Start offering sexual favors in exchange for free lattes. Do so until the police are called. Escape on foot.
- Lock yourself in the bathroom until you come up with a reason to have a panic attack. Then have one. It’s not necessary to leave the bathroom for this purpose…in fact…being locked in a enclosed space adds realism. Just be sure to scream a lot and pound on the door.
- Start writing a list of ways to procrastinate while working at Starbucks. It worked for me : )
