The Slob BlogBecause slobs need love too!

Over the years I have become quite convinced, and I continue to find proof, that there are cruel little gremlins who like to follow me around and hide my things.  They don’t do this to organized people…they only think it’s funny to play these jokes on people like you and me.  They wait until I have just about lost my mind looking for the thing, had a nervous breakdown, or bought a new one – then they return the item to the exact spot where I have been frantically searching for days, months, even years.

This is no joke people!  These little buggers are mean as sh-t!  I once lost a favorite coffee table book on animation.  I looked for this thing forever.  I mean years.  Finally, I bit the bullet and purchase a new copy.  Literally the NEXT day, the book reappeared right smack dab in the middle of the bookshelf I had searched a thousand times.

One time when I was in high school, I lost my wallet.  I tore my locker apart looking for the thing, searched campus, and finally made an announcement a school assembly.  Later that day, I open my locker, and there it is!  Not hidden under anything.  Just sitting there dead center in my locker on top of everything.  Gremlins, I tell you!  It’s the only logical explanation.

Last night they struck again.  All summer, my favorite flowy green dress has been missing.  Parties, weddings, and trips came along for which the dress would have been perfect.  I searched every inch of my closet – nowhere to be found.

Yesterday marked the VERY FIRST cool day in months.  So what happens? I open my closet, and there on the FIRST HANGER in the very front of the my closet is the sleeveless green dress.  Now that it’s too late in the year to wear it, my favorite dress reappears as if it had never gone missing.  And it’s not like it was wedged behind something or hidden under a huge pile of clutter.  No! That’s the burn!  It was right there in my closet, in the front, on an actual hanger!  Nothings EVER on a hanger!  What was it doing there?

So let this be a lesson to you.  Keep your eyes peeled, because you never know when your gremlins are going to strike.

Find out how to outsmart your own gremlins with these tips.

1. As you put things away that you really care about shout, “I sure don’t care if I lose this!” The gremlins only like to hide things that are important to you.
2. Bribery.  Leave cookies or money in the pockets of your clothes or in your favorite shoes.  You may want to attach a little note so the gremlin knows it’s for him.
3. When something goes missing, start calling people and telling them how happy you are to be rid of it.  Again, reverse psychology is really quite effective on imaginary creatures…so are anti-psychotic medications ; )
4. Get drunk.  This may not actually help the situation, but you’ll feel much better
5. Bright light, water, and snacks after midnight…wait…that’s the other type of Gremlin isn’t it.