The Slob BlogBecause slobs need love too!

Look,  I am all about embracing our inner slobs, but we have to admit that, well…yes, at least part of the reason that we’re disorganized is that we’re just plain lazy.  It’s okay.  Is being lazy really so bad?  I mean, suffering from laziness basically just means that you’re an American…like the rest of us.  (If you’re a non-American and you’re reading my blog, I am truly impressed…and thank you profusely…oh and sorry about being so loud, rude, and fat…we can’t help it)

Laziness is a truly underrated quality in people and being motivated is highly overrated.  Nobody likes someone who can finish what he starts.  Who the hell does he think he is?  We would much rather find ourselves in the comfort of other underachievers, who find ourselves loath to even accomplish a fraction of what we set out to do.  Worse yet are self-starters: those obnoxious up early, on-time, ahead of the game m-f-ers who seem to have no trouble at all diving into things that the rest of us would instantly recognize as being uncomfortable, and therefore totally out of the question.  Working, cleaning, cooking, and other productive activities are meant to be unpleasant, daunting, and lacking any appeal when compared to almost any other activity, including colon irrigation.

I say, get over the whole embarrassing stigma attached to the L-word and just embrace it as part of your happily disorganized identity.  It’s not going to change, and maybe it shouldn’t have to.

You are never going to be able to find your keys…ever!  So to prevent hours and hours of frantic searching, followed by binge drinking and furniture throwing, circumvent this problem by storing copies of your keys around the house.  EVERYWHERE!!!  Have copies available in the bathroom medicine cabinet, under the rug in the living room, under lamp shades, in the fridge (cuz that’s probably where you left yours anyway), between the cushions of the couch, on the window sill, and taped to the TV.  You may want to consider storing a copy in the front door keyhole too, cuz that’s the only way you can be certain to find them.

You’ll probably also want to start distributing copies to close friend and family, to not so close friends and family, and to all your neighbors within a five mile radius.  If you’re already locked out, the burglar letting himself in with a key can always be called upon to help as well.

Another useful tip is to use large flashy key chains you’ll definitely be able to spot….like a wallet full of money…or your toaster.