The Slob BlogBecause slobs need love too!

Don’t decide!  Whatever you do, don’t let anybody convince you that you ever have to decide between one thing or another.  They’ll try to tell you that making a decision is simple…well it’s NOT.  Decisions are lose, lose situations and the only way to avoid losing is to avoid making the decision altogether.  Get someone else to do your dirty work.  Decisions are good ways to eliminate fun possibilities.  No matter what, something gets sacrificed.  You have to let go of one option to choose another.  I don’t know about you, but that sounds awful to me.

Worse yet, you may have choices that involve people.  Just leave the country or shoot yourself in the head, because there is absolutely no way out of that situation without pissing someone off.  And no, they won’t “understand.”  The better a friend they are, the more they will feel quite justified in being furious at you for choosing front row tickets to see your favorite band with a coworker over bleacher seats at her son’s junior softball game.  No matter how logical your decision may seem, you will be despised for it by one party or the other.  The only reasonable options are to come up with a fantastic lie, or to find a way to get someone else to make the call for you.

Be creative.  Is your friend a germaphobe?  Come down with some horribly contagious airborne illness like the swine flu, and remind her how badly you want to be there to cough all over her and her son.  I’ll bet you’ll find yourself dis-invited quickly.  Rather go to a movie with a friend than attend another friend’s birthday dinner with her parents?  Become a raging alcoholic and work quickly to develop a reputation for stripping down in public.  You’ll be surprised how well she’ll suddenly take the news of your absence.

Decisions are evil, and anyone who says otherwise is probably just trying to get you to make a decision for them.