The Slob BlogBecause slobs need love too!

My boyfriend and I love Disneyland, but big crowded theme parks full of children, rides, and distracting snacks can be challenging places for forgetful slobs like us.  A couple of years ago, the two of us went to Disneyland for the day, and my boyfriend lost his cell phone.  He was so upset, it almost ruined the rest of our day.  So this year, when he told me he wanted to bring along his new and very expensive, high-end digital voice recorder I bought him for the holidays, I felt it was my duty to stop him.  He didn’t listen to me of course.  As his girlfriend, my advice is automatically rendered useless.

But how do you lose something that’s attached to your body?  Long before I could take pleasure in telling him “I told you so,” I was was the one who left something behind.  We were getting onto the California Screamin’ roller coaster in California Adventure.  While stepping into the coaster cab, with the natural grace of a linebacker, my flip flop became separated from my foot and managed to fall between the cracks in the platform, landing somewhere ten feet below the track.

Luckily, my boyfriend had insisted on recording and narrating our entire day (not annoying at all!), so we have a complete audio record of the humiliating moment when I realized I’d lost a shoe.  Not wanting to admit what had happened, knowing my boyfriend would have no choice but to ruthlessly mock me for the rest of the day, I considered not mentioning it at all.  I pictured how I would look hobbling around the rest of the day in one shoe, and I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I probably wouldn’t be able to hide it.

“Oh my god,” I said “I dropped my flip flop.”  On the recording you can hear me pathetically asking the ride attendant if there’s any way to get things back from “down there.”  The poor guy rolled his eyes and sighed, “I’ll see what I can do while you’re on the ride.”  So in the minute and a half while we were on the coaster, he was going to climb down below the ride, locate my flip flop, and bring it back?  There’s no way.  It’s gone.

Amazingly, they WERE able to get my shoe back.  I couldn’t believe it, and I thought for a moment our troubles were over for the day.  Not so fast.  We decided to check out the new Toy Story Mania ride.  We were half way through our wait when I realized my camera was no longer around my neck.  Oh god, I had taken it off and put it in the seat pocket while on California Screamin’.  Did it have to be the same ride?  They’re going to think I’m like the guy from Memento, but far less mysterious and tatooey.  Worse yet, there was no good way to cut across the line to get out.  I had to retrace my steps through every single twist and turn repeating, “excuse me, pardon me, thank you,” over and over again, while not a single person stepped out of the way.  It was horrible.

When I got back to the coaster and  asked about my camera, a female ride attendant asked me what car we had been riding in.  Yeah, like I’m going to remember that.  I was on the cell phone with my boyfriend at the time, and instantly he shouted, “The red car!”  “How the hell did you know that?” I asked in shock.  “I took note of which car we were in on the digital recorder right before you dropped your shoe.”  “Thank you geek!”  I couldn’t believe it, I was saved again.  They had my camera.

You have to understand though, that these are two talented slobs you are talking about, and you’ve heard of the rule of three right?  Hours later, my boyfriend and I were on the parking tram, ready to use our very last ounce of energy to drive ourselves home.  He started patting his pants pockets, and instantly, I knew we were in trouble.  “It’s the recorder isn’t it?” I said.

We had to beg the tram driver to give us a solo ride back to the park.  We figured my boyfriend had taken the recorder out of his pocket to get to his wallet to pay for my end-of-the-night-coffee.  Very chivalrous, but clearly stupid.  Miraculously, when we returned to the coffee stand, the merchant was able to find the device and get it back to us.  Three losses in one day!  How do you even do that?  We had made it out unscathed, but generally shamed.

I guess we could take this experience as a sign that two forgetful slobs like us should never again step outside our front door, but what would be the fun in that?  As a natural slob, I’m a risk-taker, a gambler, and I say it’s not worth having cool things if you aren’t constantly terrified of losing them.